Restless Knights
by Sylver Secret
Summary: Wufei goes coo-coo bananas on Relena's limousine. Updated, sorry for the wait.
1. Princess and Her Knight

So here's something that may or may not qualify as a R+1

**Restless Knight**

Relena looked up at Heero. His hair still fell forward as if the tendrils of his bangs were frantically trying to hide his eyes. Heero's eyes were still that painfully deep Prussian blue that had always fascinated her. They were intense, expressive---but never said everything. The eyes revealed a peek, a mere glance, into the tumult of emotions that swirled with in. He was much taller than she remembered, but his body maintained the muscular build. His shoulders were broader, though his waist was still small. The years had been good to him.

Though, the years had not been bad to her either. Relena's honey blonde hair shone in its conservative bun, but as expected by the end of the work day, a few wisps framed her face. Her eyes were still the blue that reminded Heero of skies, and stories of angels he didn't know he knew. At some point in his life, he had wanted to get lost in those eyes. He remembered wanting to let his hands roam the curves –or absence of them at the time—that were now hidden in her richly tailored blue suit. But that was a long time ago.

"Relena…" He mused. The voice rumbled in his chest more deeply than she remembered. Relena smiled sadly, the change reminding her of the time that had elapsed. Heero's brow knit in confusion.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest. The synthetic material of his Preventer's uniform jacket protested with a slight swish. Relena smiled a bit sheepishly, but he gestured her to come inside before she answered.

She glanced around at his one bed room apartment. It was sparingly, yet efficiently furnished—not unlike the way he spoke. However, she was surprised to find signs of life. The first thing she noted was the multitude of books in the living room. Novels, memoirs, histories, philosophy books, and even magazines. There was a hand gun on top of a stack of books on the coffee table, and Relena was sure that many things about the man before her did not change.

"I didn't know you like to read so much, Heero," She stated still glancing about the apartment. Heero shrugged, and removed his uniform jacket. As he hung on a hook by the door, he replied.

"It passes the time. Where are your guards?" He questioned. Relena waved off a dismissive hand, as the two of them sat down on the couch.

"They're downstairs—I trust I don't need them around you," She added with a miniscule smile. Heero only granted her with his customary form of acknowledgement. It wasn't a hum, nor was a grunt—just a sound to prove he was listening. Relena sighed. Making small talk would be a lost cause. Perhaps it was one of the things she had found so interesting about him in her youth. His hands weren't bound by politics and tact, he said what he pleased—and what he didn't say was evident in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He asked again. She never had problems finding words to settle spats between politicians, but for some reason words were lost to her. Relena inhaled deeply, preparing herself.

"I came to see you, Heero. I haven't seen you in a long time." She stated gently. Heero had folded his arms across his black, t-shirt. How many times had she seen him in anything other than a uniform? Relena mused inwardly; she could probably count it on one hand with fingers missing.

"Five years," Heero replied. She crossed her legs towards him and smiled sadly.

"I know…I would have never been able to find you if you hadn't come back to join the Preventers," Relena explained, "What made you come back to the Sank Kingdom?"

"The Sank Kingdom," He mused, perhaps stalling to think before he finally admitted, "I was restless."

"Me too," Relena replied gently. His eyes softened, widening slightly. Though the rest of his face did not budge, she could tell he was surprised.

"Why? You have your life and your peace," He replied as if it explained everything. Relena sighed, _he still doesn't get it. _She nervously wrought her hands.

"But I don't have _you_," She stated softly—almost a whisper. Perhaps if she spoke softly enough, she could just take it right back out of the air. At this, he arched an eyebrow.

"What do you need me for?" He questioned. Relena stopped wringing her hands, and reached for Heero's. He tensed—a reflexive reaction, but relaxed when she simply took his hands in hers. The angelic eyes he had once dreamed of looked at him pleadingly.

"I just need you. I _love_ you. I always have, I just never had the courage to say it…and when I could, I could never find you," She whispered, "What kind of princess am I with out my knight?"

Heero stood, breaking the flimsy contact of their hands. He turned away from Relena, slightly shaking his head. He inhaled deeply, silently. When he exhaled his shoulders slumped, she could not tell if it was in sadness or defeat. The moment after she spoke was excruciatingly long and silent. He needed to say something. He needed to react. She needed him to need her—like she always has.

"Heero, say _something,_" she begged.

"Relena," He stated gently, "you aren't a princess anymore. I was never a knight."

He paused, picking up a thick tome from a nearby bookshelf. The cover was black; "Brothers Grimm" etched in gold lettering. He idly flipped through the pages.

"And even if I was a knight—princesses do not love knights. Knights simply protect them, fight for them, and die for them. Princesses live their lives, and marry their princes. The memory of the valiant knight rots in the ground."

"Heero," she murmured, tears stinging at her eyes. Even a multitude of questions stormed through her mind, she only whispered his name. The way all of her emotions seeped into its two syllables seemed to be enough. Relena stood, placing a hand on his shoulder. He did not turn to face her, but simply closed his eyes.

"Relena," He mused, his voice annunciated carefully, "I don't love you. I can't. I'm sorry."

Relena could not stifle the tears any longer. But as soon as one snaked out of her eye, Heero caught it with a single, calloused finger. The gesture caused her to smile sadly through her tears. She released his shoulder, and turned to walk away. She did not hang her head; she did not clutch her aching stomach. Her head was high, even if her spirits were low.

Relena stopped at the door, giving him a side pained side long glance. For a moment, he could have sworn he was trying to memorize his features—like she'd never see him again. He looked away.

"Promise me one thing," She spoke, her voice steadier than she imagined it would be. Heero looked up, his eyes softened and wide.

"That you'll love someone, that you will love _something_. It doesn't have to be me," She stated. Before he could respond, and assuming that he wouldn't, Relena disappeared from his apartment—and probably his life. Heero sank down on to his couch, his head in hands. He raked his hand through his hair, only to have it fall back in his face. He sighed.

He had done the right thing; he had finally followed his heart.

But why did it feel so wrong?

---

"Breaking someone else's heart can sometimes be worse than breaking your own."

So….what did you think? Let me know!

Sylver Secret


	2. Something to Love

I wrote this chapter on a complete whim, not as angsty as the last chapter. Feel free to comment with suggests and questions!

**Restless Knights **

"Love something," Heero muttered. What made her say that? Did she think that just because he didn't love _her, _that he didn't love anyone? He sank back against the couch, staring at the unlocked door of his apartment. Relena had closed it, but didn't lock it. Normally, he would have already locked it—but in the hour that had passed, he hadn't moved. His mind just kept replaying the anticlimactic scene of their reunion. A single question repeated in his head, echoing against the walls of his skull and causing it to ache. Was he doing the right thing? A sound tugged him from his reverie, yanking him violently from his thoughts into reality. The telephone—he let it ring again, feeling that movement was unnecessary. Halfway through the third ring, he stood. When it rang again, he decided to press the answer button.

"Jeez, Heero, I thought ya were dead! You always answer on the first ring!" A familiar low rasp called. Duo.

"I'm alive," Heero replied. His face had returned to his stony, almost blank stare. Duo's grin faltered after a moment of silence passed. Seriousness crept into his voice.

"'Ro, You okay? You haven't even rudely asked why I was calling you, or even threatened to kill me, what's up?"

Heero sighed, "Why are you calling me, Duo?"

Duo admonished Heero with a wagging finger, "Nice try! I'm not that slow, there is definitely somethin' botherin' you, pal! What is it?"

Heero looked away from the video screen, back at the still unlocked door. He could almost hear the sound of her heels on the hardwood of the floor. Duo noted his long-time friend's strange behavior with an arched eyebrow. Heero looked at the door a little longer, and gestured for Duo to hold on for just a moment. He purposefully strode across the room, and locked the door—and perhaps the thought of Relena out of his mind.

"So, why are you calling me, Duo?" He asked again once he returned to the screen. Duo eyed him warily, folding his arms. Then he finally made the connection. It was the lost look that he'd seen often back when they were fifteen. Especially after an encounter with a certain honey blonde princess. He sighed.

"So she finally found you, eh?"

Heero didn't answer at first—like he was processing the question. A few seconds passed before he finally nodded. Duo offered a sad smile of support. Heero looked away again, his shoulders slumping very slightly.

"What happened?"

"Why are you calling me, Duo?" He asked a little more loudly. Perhaps to emphasize that the conversation was ended as far as he was concerned. Duo's lips tightened, twisting into a small grimace for a moment. The expression was fleeting, and in a second his warm smile tugged playfully at his lips once more.

"Are you asking what I need to talk to you about? Or why didn't I just walk three doors down?" He asked. Heero almost rolled his eyes.

"Both."

"Well, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!" Duo grinned. Heero simply arched an eyebrow.

"It's not my birthday," He stated plainly.

"It _could_ be," Duo said, "You don't know when your birthday is either! Besides, that's what it says on your Preventer Id. October 1st!"

"Thanks," Heero replied slowly, even a little awkwardly. He had just picked a day and year for the form with out giving it any particular thought.

"I've got somethin' for ya, but you're gonna have to come get her! Then we're going out, I'm not takin' no for an answer!"

Before Heero could protest, Duo disconnected the line and the screen went blank. He audibly sighed as he turned off his own phone, and walked the daunting several yards to Duo's apartment. He had barely lifted his fist to knock, when the door swung open.

"Yeesh, took you long enough!" Duo said grinning. He leaned against the frame of the door with his arms folded. His chestnut hair was woven into its neat, trademark braid which tumbled to the back of knees. Duo had aged, but still radiated an impish charm that Heero had given up trying to comprehend years ago. He tried to remember when the American pilot had surpassed him in height. He was no longer the scrawny old teenager made a game out of annoying him. He was a lean, but muscularly built twenty something that made a profession out of annoying him. Duo wore a black tank top and the pants of his Preventer uniform. His silver cross glinted in the light.

"What were you talking about?" Heero asked as Duo ushered him inside. He sat down on the leather couch, crossing his legs loosely. Heero sank into the cushions, and his comrade disappeared into another room—but his voice was clearly audible.

"Well, since your Preventer profile says that today's your birthday, I got you a little something---or someone, rather!" Duo called. Heero heard the sounds of a lock opening, and the distinct sound of claws against tile. The only other warning was a brief bark, before a small black Labrador puppy bounded into the living room. It barked happily at the sight of Heero and leaped unexpectedly into his lap. There was a big blue ribbon on the puppy's collar.

"For me?" Heero asked dumbly. Duo entered the room, dusting off stray dog hairs off of his clothes. He was laughing at the slightly surprised, slightly amused look on Heero's face as the puppy lapped as his face.

"Yep, all yours! I figured you needed a little somethin' to love. I had a feeling you were a dog person, and she's already housebroken. She doesn't have a name though," Duo said sitting beside Heero on the couch. He scratched behind the puppies ears. The puppy nuzzled against Duo's hand, and Heero smiled.

"No name, huh?" Heero mused as the puppy nuzzled his neck.

"If I had a dog, I'd definitely name it Fucker," Duo supplied. Heero shook his head muttering, "Baka."

"What?" Duo cried defensively putting his arms up, "It's good name!"

"I'm not naming my dog Fucker."

"It'd be a great excuse to curse in public! You could be like—here Fucker! C'mere girl!" Duo exclaimed through laughter. Heero shook his head.

"No, I'm naming her Neko," He stated decisively. Duo arched an eyebrow.

"What does that mean?"

Heero smirked ever so slightly, "Cat."

"You're so lame, Heero. Do I ever tell you that?" Duo asked shaking his head. Heero chuckled softly, "Everyday."

--

Hehe…There's my Epic story of a Knight and his trusty Dog named Cat. :-)


	3. Inebriation

Warnings: Drunken Ramblings, and a random cameo from my favorite crazy lady :-) Enjoy!

**Restless Knights**

"You're 21, Heero! You've got to do 21 shots!" Duo said with a deviant, yet fitting grin. Heero scowled through his bangs, his arms folded across his chest. The slinky material of his black muscle shirt felt cool against his forearms. His dark hung low on his waist, but revealed no midriff. He wore leather fingerless gloves. A bystander would have assumed they were only for looks, but Duo knew he wore them to protect his knuckles in a bar fight.

"You're joking," Heero replied.

"Nope, it's a tradition! Hell, it might even be a law by now!"

"You're nuts," Heero stated evenly, leaning against the doorway of Duo's apartment. They were supposed to be heading to Cornerstone—a nearby bar. Duo was putting the finishing touches on his hair and outfit before they left. He emerged from the bathroom with his hair neatly braided, dressed completely in black. Black leather pants hugged his hips, and a black tank top clung to his muscles. A long sleeve silk black over shirt billowed softly as he moved. In the midst of all the black, the silver cross shone like a beacon. It vaguely reminded Heero of what he imagined a lighthouse would be like, breaking up inky blackness with beam of light.

"Don't I know it," Duo replied with a grin as he grabbed his keys from the coffee table, "You still have to do 21 shots, Heero!"

Heero was silent for a moment as Duo locked his apartment door. Duo couldn't really tell if he was considering the task, or simply ignoring the question. He turned to face Heero, noting the very faint smirk on his normally stoic face. If there was a line between mischievousness and mania—he'd be straddling it. An eyebrow disappeared into Duo's bangs.

"We'll see," Heero replied. Duo grinned, "Now that's what I like to hear!

The bar was crowded—it was Friday night. Though it was earily, already drunken bodies had found their way to the dance floor. Gyrating, twisting, moving in a surreal mass. It was dark, the embers of lit cigarettes glowing from various parts of the room. The music pulsed loudly, seductively. Both Duo and Heero thought it best to avoid the dance floor, at least at first. They made a beeline for the bar. Well, Duo made the beeline---Heero merely stalked behind him, ignoring the admiring gazes lingering behind the both of them. He inwardly wondered how Duo had talked him into it as he took a seat at the bar beside his braided friend. The years away from conflict had really loosened him up, he finally decided.

The bartender was female, facing away from them. Long platinum blonde hair was pulled into a lose braid that had been thrown over her shoulder. Her wad of tips bulged in the back pocket of her dark denim jeans. Duo arched an eyebrow at the black lace that peaked just above it. The dark blue material of her tank top had ridden up slightly, revealing her lower back—and probably her midriff as well. Heero did more than casually admire her physique; he tried to place where he had seen that lithe form before. There was only one woman he knew with hair that long, but she hadn't been seen since the Mariemeia Barton incident. The bar maiden turned to face her newest customers with a coy smirk. Beautiful wasn't a word Heero would ever use to describe Dorothy Catalonia. It was too soft, too delicate for what she was. Her features had sharp uniqueness that bordered on strange, but still managed to be attractive. Striking was a word Heero could use to describe Dorothy Catalonia.

"Hello boys, what's your poison?" She asked silkily. Heero was positive –those eyebrows were unmistakable, as was her bold smirk. Duo didn't recognize her; he had never actually met her during the war.

"I'll have a Screw…up against the wall," Duo replied with a flirtatious wink. Dorothy smirked and looked at Heero.

"Vodka and Cran, easy on the ice," He replied with an unexpectedly practiced ease. Duo shot him an odd look, but Heero only shrugged. An amused Dorothy turned, mixing the drinks quickly. She slid the shooter to Duo, and handed Heero his drink. There was a lingering glance---the reluctant meeting of cobalt and hazel. It was only a moment before more customers called her away.

"She's kind of hot—even with those razor brows. I think she likes you," Duo noted, knocking back his drink with a smile. Heero brought his to his lips shaking his head, "We met here in the Sank while I was at Relena's school."

"I'm sure she's filled out since then," Duo commented. He sat the shot glass down.

"Is that all you think about?" Heero questioned before draining his highballer. Before he set it down, there was an identical drink sitting in its place. Heero noted there was another shot in front of Duo. He nodded to Dorothy who winked.

"It's on the house," She said before turning to another group of customers approaching the bar. The night was busy—though she kept the drinks coming, she had no time for idle chatter. Which was fine, Heero was thoroughly entertained watching Duo's whip about as gesticulated to a girl sitting next to him. But at that point, Heero would have been entertained watching the dust particles in the air. How many drinks had he had? It was hard to tell, after the eighth Vodka and Cranberry he only tasted cranberry juice.

"DC," Heero called—it was what the other bartenders and costumers called her. He assumed it was what she went by, "you skimping with the alcohol?"

His words were only slightly slurred, but Dorothy chuckled, "No, I probably should though!"

"You can't do that," Heero said shaking his head, "It's my _birthday_!"

"You're not dying in my bar, birthday boy," Dorothy countered while holding two mugs under the keg tap. She slid the mugs to their costumers. Heero chuckled.

"I won't. Not on my birthday. I just got Neko---my dog named cat, Duo gave her to me," He explained in with an almost whimsical tone that made Dorothy arch an eyebrow. Heero scowled, but it lacked its normal intensity. For some reasons, the glaring muscles in his face were rebelling. Perhaps it was because he'd gotten that look on many different occasions

"We're not gay," Heero proclaimed…a little loudly. The couple next to him stopped talking and snuck glances. He didn't notice or care.

"Well, I'm not. He might be though," He added, motioning to the still chatting Duo with his head. Dorothy chuckled while writing up someone's tab and taking drink orders simultaneously. Duo turned to face Heero, the girl he had been talking to already gone.

"He might be what?" Duo questioned.

"Gay," Heero replied. Duo's violet eyes were bloodshot and watery. He looked at Heero for a moment, but then laughed out loud, pointing. Heero sipped at his drink, shrugging defensively.

"What? You said…you said you were an equal oppur….opp…" Heero lips stumbled around the words.

"Equal opportunity lover," Duo supplied. Heero's eyes flickered with recognition. He hiccupped.

"That's it!"

Dorothy had been bent over a tab making the final calculations, and she couldn't contain her laughter. Her whole body quaked as she tried to. Heero and Duo didn't notice.

"Well, it's sort of true, but you aren't my type Heero," Duo said with slow, hilariously intoxicated deliberation. Heero looked offended, and frowned into his drink.

"You clearly haven't had enough to drink," He said decidedly. Duo laughed at that.

"I don't know Heero, I'm not sure there's enough alcohol to ever make you my type!" Duo began draining his tall glass of Jack and Ginger. Heero tried to remember what happened to his Screw. He couldn't remember if it was comfortable or up against the wall. He shrugged, but then Duo's words hit him. He scowled.

"Why not?" He asked accusingly. Duo sat down his drink, looking at Heero with very bloodshot eyes. He leaned closer, putting an arm on his shoulder.

"It's nothing personal, but you don't have a…" he leaned closer to 'whisper' very loudly, "a vagina."

Heero frowned, "That doesn't sound very equal at all! Bar keep, get him another drink!"

"Heero Yuy! Are you trying to seduce me?" Duo asked. The words were stilted and slurred. Heero smirked, and nursed his drink. Dorothy had already set the requested drinks before them.

"No. Your drink. Chug it."

"What? No. Why?" Duo asked picking up his drink

"Just do it." Heero countered.

"But why?"

"Baka, if you don't chug that drink. I will kill you."

"You slut, you are trying to seduce me," Duo slurred.

"I told you. I'm not gay. Besides, you don't like puppies anyway." Heero replied, finishing his drink. What number was that? He had lost track. Duo just looked confused, his inebriated mind try to wrap around Heero's statement. It failed miserably. He apparently was not on the same level of drunkenness as Heero.

"What? That doesn't make sense!"

"It doesn't have to! I'm beautiful—and it's my birthday!"

Duo broke in to hysterical laughter. The force of it threw off his balance, and he didn't even feel it as he bounced to the floor. Heero just looked at him and tried to sip at the drink that he'd already finished. He glared at the glass, and then looked back at Duo, who was still on the floor. It didn't look like he was going to make an effort of getting up either.

"Duo…stop being…on the floor."

Dorothy peered at him from over the bar, taking both the glasses. Heero was disappointed when she didn't replenish the stores. He looked up at her sadly. She seemed to read his drunken mind.

"I'm cutting you two off, birthday boy. Besides, my shift is almost up!"

Heero looked around noticing that the throngs of people had died down. He glanced down at the watch, and blue numbers told him it was five minutes until 2 am. He decided then that it was a good idea to call it a night. Heero looked down at Duo, grabbing him by the shoulders. Somehow he managed to lift him to his seat without getting up from his own.

"Sober up," Heero instructed, "We need to get home."

Dorothy glared up at them as she cleaned the bar. Forked eyebrows knit together in a dangerous scowl.

"You're _driving_?" The question was accusatory and incredulous. Heero arched an eyebrow.

"Well, we aren't going to fly," He responded. He steadied Duo with his hand. He had been lolling back on the stool. Dorothy shook her head emphatically.

"Absolutely not. Give me your keys. Now."

"But..." He stalled, looking down at the car keys in his hand. Dorothy wasn't having it. She strode quickly around the bar, and snatched the keys before Heero had a chance to react. She clothes the keys in her fist, and the look in her eyes _dared_ him to try and snatch them back. He tried to glare back at her, but he couldn't feel his face. The room began to spin. He didn't even notice that Dorothy had disappeared, and reappeared wearing a cropped jacket. Nor did he notice that she had started to try and hoist Duo to his feet until both of them toppled onto the floor. Duo was snickering.

"Duo Maxwell if you do not remove your hands from ass I'm going to break your wrists." Dorothy's voice was icy. Heero chuckled and lent down to pick both of them up. Even drunk he had a decent amount of control of his body. He pulled Duo's arm around his shoulder, and Dorothy helped from the other side.

"I thought you weren't gay," Duo slurred with a goofy grin.

"I'm not." Heero replied as they all but carried Duo out of the bar. It would have been easier with a fireman's carry, but even if Heero was partially functional—he wasn't_ that_ functional. Though he bore most of the weight, Dorothy managed to keep the two of them from falling.

"Then whynot Lelena?" Duo asked. His speech was becoming almost unintelligible. Dorothy smirked at question, but said nothing. Heero just kept moving forward. Duo continued.

"What's wrong wit her? Does she... not have a vagina?"

Dorothy laughed out loud.

"No, Duo, I'm pretty sure she has a vagina," She said through her laughter. Heero still didn't say anything.

"So…?"

Dorothy laughed again, and Duo licked her face. She shrieked angrily and elbowed him in the side. Duo stumbled and Dorothy let go with every intention of watching him hit the concrete. Heero caught him a few inches before he hit the ground. Duo glared up at Dorothy.

"I bet your vagina has teeth in it," he grumbled. His speech still slurred. Heero rolled his eyes and nearly wept with joy at the site of Duo's black sports car. Duo simply passed out. Heero and Dorothy collaborated to get his unconscious form into the back seat. Heero sat in the passenger seat, and Dorothy drove the car. She was grateful that Heero was sober enough to give accurate directions.

"Duo's an idiot, I'm sure you don't have teeth in your…" He trailed off, not wanting to say the word. The words were still slurred, but the years of working at a bar—she was all but fluent in Drunk. Dorothy chuckled shaking her head.

"Thanks, Heero."

"Here," Heero said pointing at the approaching apartment building. She nodded and parked on the side of the street. Dorothy had opened her mouth to make a joke about lugging Duo up the stairs to his apartment, when her eyes widened. She banged her head on the steering wheel and cursed—loudly. Heero Yuy--ex-Gundam pilot and twice savior of the world—had passed out in the passenger seat of Duo's car.

---

Chuckles…oh Dorothy and her toothy vagina. I come up with the most random things! This story has gone from romance/angst to sheer crackfic-ery. But its okay, because I'm having fun with it. Are you?

-Syl


	4. Distress Call

Rating might have to go up for my foul mouthed Dorothy and Gavin, my OC. It should be noted though—all phrases are probably things I've said or heard said. ;-) And speaking of funny….here's a youtube "trailer" as the boys casted as the Spice Girls. I about laughed myself into a coma. Knights 

Dorothy rubbed her sore, reddened forehead. She had spent the last five minutes of her life banging her head on the steering wheel. Both Heero and Duo were stone cold unconscious. She had poked, prodded, screamed and shook both of them with no response. In her state of feverish panic, she was completely oblivious to the cars that had slowed down to stare as they passed. She was also ignorant of the heads that poked out of nearby apartment windows. After that, she took their pulses just to make sure they weren't dead. The ID card she had fished out of her Heero's wallet had gotten her into apartment complex—but she had absolutely no clue which apartment they lived in, or even if they lived in the same place at all. The security guard at the desk had been completely useless. He just kept spouting the same worthless information, impervious to all of Dorothy's approaches.

"_So…Jacque," Dorothy said giving his name tag a lingering glance, "I've explained my situation, will you help me? I just need to drop off my brothers."_

_Dorothy was sitting on the counter, her long legs crossed and swinging. She flipped her, and smiled. The smile was a miraculously believable, considering the time of night and circumstance. Jacque's eyes began to stray from her face, but he caught himself. _

"_Miss. I am not allowed under any circumstance to divulge any information of the tenants." _

_Dorothy leaned in closer, placing a hand on the man's shoulder and pouted. _

"_But Jacque," she almost whined, "Please. If there is anything I can do…"_

"_Ma'am, I am not allowed under any circumstance to divulge any information about the tenants." _

_Dorothy tried to maintain her coquettish charm, but her patience was dwindling. She crawled up until she was kneeling on the counter, and grabbed the collar of Jacque's uniform. Dorothy shook him harshly._

"_I just want to drop them off! Do you want me to leave them in the lobby? These are my BROTHERS!" She exclaimed still shaking him. The guard slowly reached for her wrist, and pried each finger from his jacket. He repeated the process on the other side. He sighed._

"_Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."_

"Insufferable cad," She muttered with her hand over her eyes. Dorothy sighed, collecting her wits about her before she started Duo's car. Her only choice was to take them to her place. Fishing her cell phone from her back pocket, she drove into the night. Managing to dial the phone, and maneuver the car she waited for the phone to ring. Dorothy drummed her fingers on the steering wheel.

"C'mon, c'mon, pick up," She muttered as she drove. Dorothy could barely contain a girlish squeal of joy at the sound of a tired, irate "this better be good if you're gonna call me at 3am" voice.

"Hey, doll," She said sweetly.

"What do you want, D?" A gruff man's voice asked.

"Hey, remember when I all but wrote that Ethics and Constitutional Law paper for you—and you said you'd do anything…"

"Yes…" Came a begrudged reply, "What do you need?"

"Meet me at my place in fifteen minutes?" She questioned hopefully. There was a confused silence on the other end of the phone. A suggestive chuckle followed. Dorothy sighed exasperatedly, "Gavin! Not for _that!_"

"I get a call from a pretty lady at three in the morning telling me to meet her place in 15 minutes. What do you expect me to think?"

"Gav, I'm beat. I don't have the energy for playful banter," She responded.

"Now, that's definitely a sign of the rapture if I ever did hear one. I'll be there," He replied. Dorothy smiled. If there was any single friend she could ever count on, it was Gavin Scott Roslyn. A sense of relief washed over her features. There was still hope.

By the time Dorothy pulled up to her condominium, Gavin was already there. He leaned against the side of the building, smoking taking a drag of a half burned cigarette. His dark hair was unruly, and fell towards his equally dark eyes. A five-o'clock shadow managed to make him seem more ruggedly attractive than disheveled. Dorothy wrinkled her nose.

"I thought you quit," She commented.

"I did. But now I quit not smoking," He replied with a grin. He took another drag. Dorothy just rolled her eyes, "Put it out. It's disgusting!"

"It's nice to see you too," He replied sarcastically. Gavin crushed the cigarette underfoot, and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. Dorothy opened the passenger side door, and gestured for Gavin to come closer. He rolled his eyes at the sight of the slumbering Heero Yuy.

"Lemme guess," He started, "You want me to carry him up to your apartment. On the second floor."

"There's another one in the back," She said, giving him her best "please help me" smile. Gavin smacked his forehead.

"Fuck me. Fuck me sideways!" Gavin cursed. Dorothy chuckled, "Maybe later!"

"Oh, _now_, you have the energy for playful banter," Gavin muttered.

"C'mon, doll, let's just get it over with," She said pulling Heero into a more graspable position. Gavin grabbed his legs.

"Tittyslappingthundercunt! This fucker is heavy," Gavin grumbled

"Such foul language! And around a lady at that," Dorothy admonished.

"What lady?" Gavin asked through a grunt. Dorothy rolled her eyes and used a single hand to swipe into the building. She nearly dropped her ID card as she walked backwards up the stairs. _Remember, Dorothy, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did—but backwards and in high heels, _she thought. Dorothy glanced down at her shoes. They weren't stilettos, but they weren't exactly the most sensible heel for the occasion either. Even though she worked at a bar, she was never really prepared to carry two unconscious men into her apartment. Contrary to popular belief, she didn't slip Rophynol into men's drinks to have her way with them. _I probably should though,_ she thought with a smirk.

"I think this counts for more than ten page paper," Gavin muttered. If she wasn't grunting with exertion, she would have chuckled.

"Yeah, I'll buy that," She said. They had made it to the second floor. Just a few more yards and they'd almost be home free. Dorothy turned around, positioning Heero on her back as she fumbled for her house key. She almost had it when the whole ring slipped from her grasp into an unreachable heap on the floor. Dorothy balled her fists and swore with a heated whisper.

"Fuck me!"

"Why the sudden change of heart, D?" Gavin said---he peered around Heero's unconscious body and saw the keys.

"Fuckshitcockballs," He muttered. Gavin let go of Heero for a moment, snatching him by the waist before he hit the floor. He hoisted him into a fireman's carry and waited for Dorothy to open the door. Gavin unceremoniously dumped the ex-pilot on to the couch. Heero groaned, but didn't wake.

"I swear his skeleton is solid Gundanium," Gavin stated shaking his head. Dorothy smirked at the irony, but said nothing.

"Wingdings and glory holes, we've got another one don't we?" It wasn't really a question, but Dorothy nodded grimly anyway. Gavin sighed and ran a finger through his disheveled brown hair. He arched an eyebrow.

"What did you do to these guys? Or more importantly, what are you _going _to do with them?" Dorothy smirked, raising both eyebrows. He ran a hand through his hair again, "On second thought. Don't tell me."

Duo seemed to be significantly lighter than Heero, and Gavin carried up the stairs alone. The end of Duo's braid kept hitting Gavin's ankles, and he nearly tripped twice. He stumbled into the doorway of Dorothy's place. The smile on his face was downright sinister. Dorothy smiled in anticipation.

"You know what would be really _evil_?"

There was an eerie light in Dorothy's gray-violet eyes, her brows quivered with delight. The anticipatory grin transformed into something a little bit more…predatory. She laughed, wagging her finger in admonishment.

"Oh, Gavin, Gavin, Gavin…it's times like these that I remember why I keep you around."

---

Oh…I couldn't help myself. I haven't written a cliffhanger in ages. Relena will be back next chapter….


	5. The Morning After

Yeah…I said Relena would be coming back this chapter. I lied. She'll be back next chapter for sure. I know this because I've already written it. It will be up soon, I promise

**Restless Knights**

Heero's nose twitched. His hair had fallen into his face while he slept. He would have mentally made a note of getting a haircut, but his mind was lost in the thick fog of a hangover. Though he could feel the rays of sunlight through his eyelids, he kept them shut. He shifted to turn away from the light. His braid fell into his face again. At that point, Heero was ready to get up and cut his hair then and there.

Wait a minute.

Braid?!

Heero snapped his eyes open and sat up quickly. He immediately regretted it. The room spun and he flopped back down on the bed, which he was not his. The sheets were lavender, his were white. Where was he? Where was his shirt? Why did he have a braid? He shook the questions from his head, and put his hand over his face. Duo and Heero were sleeping in the same bed—same foreign bed. Was this Duo's bed? No, Duo had black sheets. But there he was curled up beside him with his braid draped across Heero's chest. What happened? There were holes in his memory. He remembered the bars, the birthday, Duo, DC, vaginas? Duo stirred in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible about orange marmalade. Heero shook Duo violently. Violet eyes snapped open, the shut immediately. He threw his arm over his eyes.

"Christ, Heero! It's early! What are you doing here?"

"We slept together," Heero managed to reply. Duo shot up in the bed. The room spun, and he rolled off of the edge. He fell hard on the floor.

"We…we….we… _what_?" He exclaimed his hand on his face. Horror, anger and confusion all plainly evident in his voice. The grips of his hangover were temporarily suspended as he tried to wrap his mind around Heero's words. As soon as he tried to stand up, however the symptoms came crashing down---pounding relentlessly at his skull. He groaned, forcing to a semi standing position. Duo took note of his surroundings. Lavender sheets, fencing foils on the walls, a vase with a single, wilting rose in it and a book shelf. There was a desk covered with open text books and an open laptop, like the owner was in the middle of some epic research.

"Where are we? How did we get here? Does your ass hurt?"

"I don't know, I don't know—what?"

"Just answer the question, Heero."

"No."

"Good. I didn't have sex with you," He muttered gratefully.

"Does yours?" Heero questioned. If he wasn't so nauseous, he would have rolled his eyes. Even in the wake of a potentially frightening situation, Heero's voice remained as a calm and stoic as ever. It was one of the things Duo almost envied about Heero.

"Duo Maxwell is no one's bitch,"

"You think that _I_ am?" Heero asked incredulously, "I'm not the one who likes men."

"Low blow. That was one time. We are all allowed one hetero man crush! You make it sound like I slept with him or somethin'!"

"You wanted to."

"I never said that! You're putting words in my mouth!"

"You'd rather have him put something else in your mouth, wouldn't you?"

Up until this point Dorothy and Gavin had been leaning against the door listening. Dorothy was the first to loose her resolve. She snickered against her palms, like she was literally trying to force the laughter back into her body. Her whole body quaked at attempting to contain it; her face was turning a deep shade of red. Dorothy's laughter was contagious. Gavin laughed out loud, and she was unable to contain herself. The two of them all but collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles.

"I didn't want to sleep with Zechs! I just thought he was pretty!"

At this, tears squeezed out of Dorothy's eyes and she gasped for breath. With red, tear stained faces and sore sides, neither of the thought they could laugh any harder. Dorothy could hardly stand.

"I mean just look at his hair, it's gorgeous!"

Then that inexplicable miracle—where you're laughing so hard you are ready to soil yourself, and you see someone else's laughter…and laugh even harder. Gavin swore that laughter that epic might leave some internal bruising and several cracked ribs. Dorothy collapsed in a heap of quaking laughter.

The door to her bedroom swung open, and the both Dorothy and Gavin were looking down the barrel of a gun. Heero stood shirtless, angered and confused. Gavin threw his arms up in the air signaling surrender. Dorothy simply picked herself off the floor and dusted off. She cocked an eyebrow and looked over at Gavin.

"I thought you took his gun," She commented.

"He did. I have a spare," Heero replied. He returned the gun to its hiding place. Duo was standing behind him, holding his head in his hands. Gavin put his hands down.

"Yeah, D, I think it's time for me go. This was fun but I uh…I choose life," Gavin said backing away towards the door. Dorothy caught him by the scruff of his neck.

"Where ya goin, Gav? The fun just got started!"

"What happened? Who is this guy? Aren't you the chick from the bar…the one with.." Duo trailed off trying to think through his pounding headache. Dorothy smirked.

"The one with the toothy vagina?" She questioned. Gavin let out a hearty laugh.

"Which one of you said that? You're officially my best friend!"

"I vaguely remember mentioning vaginas. I can guarantee that it wasn't psycho over here. I'm Duo, Duo Maxwell." Duo straightened and offered his hand, while his left hand still remained on his forehead. Gavin smiled.

"Gavin Roslyn, it's been… interesting meeting you. C'mon, I've got a surefire cure for that nasty hangover," He said ushering Duo towards the kitchen. Gavin paused and looked back at Heero, "If you promise not to shoot me, you can have some too."

"I won't shoot you. I'm Heero Yuy. It's a pleasure," Heero stated evenly. Duo and Gavin disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Dorothy and a shirtless Heero in her living room.

"What happened?" Heero asked.

"What do you remember?" Dorothy questioned folding her arms across her chest. It wasn't until then that she was still in her pajamas—a long sleeved shirt and very short shorts. She almost felt underdressed, but Heero was topless. Heero furrowed his brow in thought.

"I remember being at the bar, but I don't remember leaving. Who drove?"

"I did," Dorothy replied, "I took your keys. You and Duo passed out together. You looked so cozy that I just couldn't split up the love birds."

She was smirking. He glared, "Why here?"

"Well the guard at your apartment building wouldn't tell me your apartment number. I called Gav to help carry you guys here."

"Thanks," Heero said after a moment of awkward silence. He sat down on the couch with his hand over his head. Dorothy sat next to him.

"Hung over?"

"Very," He replied.

"Gav's making the remedy. He'll bring it out soon," she said gently.

"Hn."

It wasn't his normal grunt of acknowledgement. It was weaker, almost pathetic sounding—like wounded puppy. Dorothy couldn't help but smile at it. She could almost see what Relena saw in him. But she could also see the impossibility of their relationship…and it had nothing to do with the absence of a vagina.

"If it's any consolation, you two are one of the most entertaining drunks I've encountered."

"That's not comforting."

Dorothy laughed, "Well…there is one drunk that is more entertaining than you."

"Do I want to know?" Heero questioned.

"Three words: Relena. Tequila. Karaoke."

"You're lying!" A voice called from across the room. A now bright-eyed Duo called from the open door way. Gavin entered the room holding a cup of green, opaque liquid.

"She's not lying, I was there," He said. Gavin handed the glass to Heero who nodded his thanks. His cobalt eyes widened at the color and texture of the drink. It smelled worse than it looked, and Heero couldn't even been to guess what was in it. Perhaps he would just deal with the hang over. Gavin seemed to have read his mind.

"It's safe, I promise."

"It looks foul, but it works," Dorothy added. Heero decided that whatever was in it couldn't be any worse than the hang over. He knocked it back in one swig—like a shot. It tasted awful, like crushed aspirin and burned rubber. Heero almost gagged. But he felt the evil hangover griffin retract its claws from his head.

"Tastes like ass hats and dirty twat waffles, I know, but it works," Gavin stated. Duo balked. Dorothy simply rolled her eyes. Heero cocked an eyebrow.

"A twat waffle?!"

He burst in to boisterous laughter. "You've gotta be kiddin' me. That's priceless. That's almost as good as cunt muffin," Duo was holding his sides. Gavin's eyes widened in laughter at the new dirty phrase. He mentally filed it in his arsenal.

"Duo," He said when the laughs subsided, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."


	6. Ice Cream and Friendly Words

Yay, much awaited Relena appearance! I don't know why I have so much trouble writing her…(shifty eyes) Anyhoo—not as funny as the drunken aftermath with Dorothy and the boys, but hopefully entertaining enough! Enjoy!

**Restless Knights **

"Miss Relena," A voice called, "Sweetheart, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be gone two hours ago!"

Relena blinked blearily, still holding the proposal draft in her hand. She set down her red, correction pen and rubbed her eyes. Derik, her assistant, stood before he mahogany desk arms akimbo. She couldn't help but smile, she loved Derik. He was always well dressed with perfectly styled hair. His smiles were blindingly white, but still genuine. His blonde eyebrows were knotted into a scowl above concerned green eyes. Derik's mannerisms were somewhat flamboyant, and the other workers in the office couldn't guess his sexual orientation. Relena loved him anyway; he always seemed to brighten her day somehow.

"Derik? I guess I got involved in editing this proposal. What are you still doing here?" Relena questioned. She sat down the proposal and stretched. Though she had been staring at it for the past hour and a half, nothing was really getting done.

"Well, I had things to take care of and I was just about to leave—and I saw that you were still here!"

"I guess I lost track of time," She stated. One of Derik's arms slid to his sides and he gave an exasperated sigh, which some how portrayed the slight lisp he had when he spoke. Relena barely had time to marvel over the phenomena before sighed again. Derik sat on the edge of her desk.

"Miss Relena, what's on your mind? You've gone all big eyed on me. You know you can talk to me. Spill it, honey, you need to—whatever it is is eatin' you up!"

Relena sighed softly, "I guess you're right, Derik."

He folded his arms and rolled his eyes as a single gesture, "Of course I am! Now spill!"

Relena chuckled, and rested both elbows on her desk. She folded her hands, resting her chin on the platform of her intertwined fingers.

"It's about this guy," She said carefully. Derik's eyes flashed dangerously. He scowled, "Do you want me to whoop his ass? Just say the word, sweetie! I'll be all over him like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snow storm!"

Relena genuinely laughed out loud. It was something she had found her self doing less and less. When she wasn't working, she was around bodyguards or maids. Neither of which really made an effort to make her laugh. In fact, neither even spoke to her like she was a real person. To the bodyguards, she was made of glass. To the help, she was feared---for reasons Relena could never figure out. Since Dorothy disappeared to go to school, Derik was one the only one who treated her as a human being. She smiled.

"Not necessary, Derik. I'm a pacifist, remember?"

"No one would have to know…" Derik trailed off with a mischievous grin. Relena silenced him with a look.

"Fine, fine. What's with said mystery fellow?"

"I've liked him for quite some time—since the war actually. I hadn't seen him for years. He would send me a teddy bear and a card every year on my birthday. The addresses were never the same, and always untraceable…" She trailed off staring at an abstract panting in the far corner of her office. Derik frowned.

"What did the cards say?"

Relena shrugged.

"You didn't read them?" He exclaimed gesticulating wildly. Relena simply shook her head. Derik smacked his forehead.

"Why?" He questioned, both hands gripping his hair. "I thought you _liked_ him!"

"Well, I told him to bring me things like that in person. I meant it!" She said defensively. Relena leaned back in her chair. Derik folded his arms again.

"That's silly. What if he was telling you how he felt? Some guys find it more difficult than others, you know!"

"Yeah, tell me about it. He emotes like a rock," She muttered. Derik shook his head, "So you're telling me…that for five years—you never read any of the cards?"

"I ripped up the first one," She started. Derik groaned loudly but made no attempt to question her actions. She continued.

"I did the same with the second, and the third. The fourth one—I opened it."

Derik's attention perked up. He seemed to be prepared to listen with his entire body. He waited for her to continue with a smile. Relena smiled, drawing in a breath slowly. Derik nearly twitched in a conniption fit—his whole body convulsed for less than a second. It was another one of those Derik phenomena. She chuckled.

"AND?" He questioned with exaggerated impatience.

" I'm surprised you're reading this. Happy Birthday," She quoted. Derik deflated—he had been hoping for something a little bit more romantic. Relena gave him a sad smile and shrugged.

"The last one was blank," She said, "but I saw him a few days ago."

Derik remained quiet.

"I must have sounded like a stupid little girl to him. Spouting foolishness about princesses and knights," She said with an aggravated sigh.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Derik said softly.

"He said he didn't—couldn't love me…" She trailed.

"What did you say to him?"

"I just told him to love someone—love something, anything…I want him to find happiness somewhere, even if it isn't with me. He's had a trying life and deserves at least that much."

There were no tears in her eyes or voice, just resignation.

"What about you?" He questioned. Relena simply shrugged, "I haven't really thought about me."

"You need to, sweetie. You've got a real heart of gold; I mean…I think that boy is out of his mind. You're smart, you're rich, and I could bounce a quarter off that ass! Who could turn down a package like…wait. Is he gay?"

Relena chuckled. Was it bad that she found irony in the most flamboyant person she knew asking that question?

"Not that I know of," She replied. Relena picked up her proposal, and was reaching for the red pen. Derik snatched the papers, and slapped her gently on the wrist.

"Never mind that. Forget it, forget him, and forget work. C'mon, we're going to go get ice cream! If you really want to work on this wretched thing after that, you can!"

"What kind of ice cream?" Relena asked with a careful sidelong glance. Derik flashed his best I'm-gonna-bribe-you-and-you're-gonna-love-it smile. Another one of his phenomena…he seemed to have a distinct smile for every occasion.

"Mint chocolate chip, two scoops in a cup topped with real Dove chocolate of course!"

"You know me too well," Relena said unable to hide her smile.

"It's my job, sugarlumps, let's go!"

Relena closed her eyes and offered her hand. She threw her head back with feigned drama. "Take me," she cried breathlessly.

Derik all but dragged her to the ice cream shop across the street from her office. He barely gave her any time to change into her standard "blend into the crowd" outfit. In jeans, a T-shirt, jacket and baseball cap she looked more like a college student than the Vice Foreign Minister.

Her guards followed at a comfortable distance—allowing for privacy, but close enough to protect. As they walked, Derik kept the smile on her face with his silly anecdotes and animated facial expressions. They ordered their ice cream, and sat in a small booth by the window.

"Is this boy business all that's getting you down? You seem so out of it!" Derik said before spooning a dollop of Rocky Road ice cream into his mouth. Relena gave a noncommittal shrug, "Oh, Derik…I don't know. I've been so restless in the past few years. I guess part of me hoped that Heero coming back would just make things fall into place. Like a knight to come save the day or something…"

Derik clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Baby doll, knights are overrated. They're mean, they can't afford showers. What you need is a prince. Ya know…blonde hair, blue eyes, Adonis-body, white stallion—and by stallion I mean Ferrari!"

"Oh, Derik, stop it! I don't need any of that!" She chided.

"Need? I'm sure you've taken basic pysch—you've already gotten most of the basic needs pyramid! It's time for you to branch out to self _act-u-a-lize,_ girl!"

The way he bobbed his head to accent the syllables elicited a giggle from Relena.

"Derik, you are too much," She said smiling.

"I know, but you love me!" Derik said in a half sing-song voice.

"How could I not? You're so…special," She replied. His only response was prompt rolling of the eyes. Less than a second later his green eyes brightened with an idea. He grinned.

"I know what you need! You need a girl's night out, what ever happened to that friend of yours…she's got knock legs….and, ya know, the face you could cut a roast on?"

"Derik! That's a terrible thing to say! Who are you talking about anyway?"

"Okay, okay, not her whole face—just her eyebrows, she comes around every once and a while…"

Relena snickered, "Oh, you mean _Dorothy_!"

"Yes, that's the one! She seems all kinds of crazy, but looks like she knows how to spot a good time! Why don't ya call her up? Have a girl's night; it'll be good for you!"

Relena's face reddened ever so slightly. She pulled down the brim of her baseball cap, and slid a spoonful of mint chocolate chip ice cream into her mouth. She mumbled a response. Derik cocked an eyebrow.

"What was that?"

"I'm still recovering from the _last_ girl's night we had," She muttered, still red.

"Oh, do tell!"

"That is another story for another day, but I'll tell you this. Tequila and Karaoke should remain separate---for the safety of the common good."

Derik laughed, "Don't feel bad, sweetie. Rumor has it that the granddaughter of the ESUN's president likes to get into "booty quaking" contests after a few rounds!"

"Booty quaking…what on earth is that?" Relena asked, confused. Derik laughed.

"It's an old fashioned dance. It's where a dancer oscillates so quickly their individual buttocks slap against each other—like an earthquake, but with your booty!"

Relena's eyes were wide, "And Allison Walker engages in booty quaking contests?"

Derik's eyes were lit mirthfully, "Yeah, she's had a "troubled youth." Last time it was at Cornerstone, she was on stage—quaking so hard she ripped her pants right down the middle!"

He laughed.

"That's awful!" Relena exclaimed

"Awfully _hilarious_!" Derik said loudly. There weren't any other customers in the shop to glare at them, just workers who had started cleaning around them. Closing time was nearing.

"You're terrible, Derik!"

"Oh, I know. I'm going to hell in a handbasket with bows, ribbons and baby's breath!" He replied with a dismissive hand. Relena chuckled. What would she do with out Derik?

"We should go, they're closing up," She said. Derik nodded and dropped his spoon in his emptied plastic bowl. Relena did the same.

"You know, if you really bummed about that lame guy, talk to him…I think you could talk Commander Une into a thong bikini if you wanted to," Derik suggested as they stood up, disposing of their dishes. Relena laughed.

"I think I'd rather not…talk Une into a thong, that is."

Derik shuddered, "Scary. I hear she castrates men and puts their doodads in her dresser drawer!"

"_Derik_! That's a terrible thing to say! She's not _that_ bad!"

"Every time she comes looking for you, she comes to me first! She's scary!" Derik exclaimed. Relena shook her head.

"All jokes aside, it's not a half bad idea. Maybe, I could talk to him."

"Yeah…do it over ice cream. Between the foodgasm, and you're gorgeous smile he would have to be made of stone not to listen!"

"What am I to do with you?" Relena asked.

"What else? Love me, of course," He replied with a grin.

--

Ice cream and flamboyant friends--must be experienced first hand. Hehe. Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a review.


	7. Vaginas Required

Dorothy sat Indian style on her bed. Her long hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and she wore a pair of black, square reading glasses. There were books spread out on either side of her, and a sleek laptop positioned in her lap. She held a pink highlighter in her mouth as she typed vigorously. Dorothy stopped typing to peer over the laptop straining to read on of the open books. She pulled the highlighter from her mouth to mark a particular phrase. Her near frantic pace seemed to fit with the upbeat No Doubt songs wafting from her stereo. She had gotten into a particularly effective rhythm. Read, highlight, pop marker into mouth, type. Repeat. Dorothy had been at it all night, well into the wee hours of the morning. She had taken a power nap at five in the morning and at eight she was ready to go again. A few hours into her paper-writing session, the video phone rang.

She made a noise somewhere between a heavy sigh and a vicious growl before muting the music and answering the phone.

"Yes?" She asked tiredly.

"Dorothy! You look awful, did I wake you up?" A familiar woman's voice asked apologetically. It was Relena.

"Oh no, you didn't wake me up. I've just been working on a particularly vicious research paper for the past couple days," Dorothy replied, brushing a stray tendril of hair out of her face. Relena nodded with understanding.

"Deadlining again?" She asked with a knowing smile.

"Oh, you know it. I haven't heard from you since your… little performance. To what do I owe this pleasure?" Dorothy graced her with a teasing smirk.

"I know. I kind of wish that I'd drank more—just so I wouldn't remember it," Relena replied, blushing at the reference. Dorothy laughed out loud.

"If you drank anymore, you would have ended up like your favorite Gundam pilot," Dorothy muttered.

"What?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you?" Dorothy asked offhandedly, she glanced down pretending to be interested in her nails. Relena's eyebrows drew together, before one of them raised into her hairline. Dorothy liked to call it her "what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about" face. It was always entertaining to witness the normally poised ex-Queen of the World wearing that face.

"Well last week, Heero and Duo show up at the bar on my shift."

"Heero? At a bar? I never would have guessed! Probably Duo's work," Relena mused, bringing manicured fingers to her lips. Dorothy shrugged.

"Apparently it was Heero's birthday. I helped Heero carry Duo out of the bar, but when once we were all in his car—he passed out too!" Dorothy cried. Relena's eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"Shut up! You're lying!" She exclaimed.

"Me? Never! Ask Gav, he's the one that carried them both up to my place." Dorothy was chuckling behind her hand at the memory.

"Goodness, I wish I had been there to see it," Relena said grinning.

"You should have seen the morning after. Me and Gav put the two of them in the same bed," Dorothy paused to be a little dramatic, "without shirts!"

Relena covered her mouth in surprise, "No…you didn't!"

"Oh, we _did_. And I think I nearly died from laughter. It was marvelous."

Relena was laughing at the thought, "I'm sure it was. You are so evil."

Dorothy shrugged, "I can't help it, people make it so easy. But I think you should know. Did you know there is such a thing as a "hetero man crush"?" Dorothy used airquotes around the phrase. Relena's eyes became big and panicky.

"No! _Don't_ tell me he's gay!" She exclaimed. Dorothy laughed out loud, much to her friend's dismay.

"Don't worry. Yuy's as straight as the come. It's the other one, I think he has a thing for your brother," She said between laughs. Relena arched an eyebrow.

"Milliardo?"

"The one and only. He describes it as a hetero man crush," She explained, her laughter died to a chuckle, then to a smile. Relena shook her head.

"You know, I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"I'm sure Milliardo would be absolutely thrilled," Dorothy replied. Relena laughed, "I think Noin would be even more thrilled. I have a favor to ask you, Dorothy."

"It all depends, what do you want?" She inquired.

"Well. To be frank, I need a girls' night—and from the looks of it, so do you."

Dorothy looked up at her hair and laughed dryly, "That's for damned sure."

"When are you free?" Relena questioned. Dorothy looked back at her open laptop and bed covered in books. She shrugged. Procrastination, what's that?

"Tonight's fine. So who is going to be in on our night of delinquency this time?"

"Sylvia won't be able to make it, she's doing something wholesome," Relena explained.

"Or doing someone wholesome rather," Dorothy corrected. Relena's eyes widened, "Dorothy!" The blond only shrugged with an innocent look, "You know it's true."

"I suppose it seems worse when you say it like that."

"Maybe, I'll see Catherine can make it, the troupe is normally on this part of Earth this time of year."

"Wonderful. Sally and Noin want in too. Do you have any suggestions as to where our lapse in morality should take place?" Relena questioned. Dorothy grinned. It was almost cat-like, "I know a splendid place. Everyone meets up at your chateaux, and we'll take it from there?"

Dorothy finalized plans before hanging up with Relena. She glanced at the pile of work waiting for her and shook her head. She walked out of her room into the living room. Gavin and Duo were already on the couch, watching TV. Gavin had his feet up on the coffee table, like he lived there. Dorothy was used to that, though—Gavin lived in the same complex, different building. Even before she gave him a spare key, he had practically lived on her couch. Ever since the twat waffle remark, Gavin and Duo had become, well, a duo. And if Gavin was willing to risk becoming a growth on Dorothy's couch, Duo was not too far behind.

"Don't you two have lives?" Dorothy asked.

"I live only for you, love-of-my-life," Gavin replied with a saccharine smile. Dorothy could only roll her eyes. She continued passed them into the kitchen. The distinct sound of fridge-rummaging could be heard though she was no longer visible.

"Gav, I just got off the phone with your favorite drunk," She called from the kitchen.

"Relena?" Duo guessed with a smirk. Gavin was already chuckling, remembering her charming rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On." Dorothy emerged from the kitchen with a bowl of frosted flakes and a glass of orange juice. She sat between the two of them.

"The one and only. We—"

"Can I come?" Duo and Gavin asked in unison. Dorothy shook her head and spoon at them.

"Sorry, boys. It's girl's night. Vaginas required," She replied. Gavin pouted and Duo's eyes seemed to double in size. (What would happen to the rest of his face?) Dorothy squeezed her eyes shut, and Gavin grabbed one arm. Duo got the other.

"Pretty lady," Gavin coaxed, he kissed her hand.

"We'll be good, babe!" Duo chimed. Dorothy shook her head profusely.

"Dottie, sweetheart, love-of-my-life…" Gavin cooed. She wrinkled her nose at the petname. Duo sighed.

"Babe, I've got two strong words for you—_Come on…_" He wheedled. Gavin nodded in agreement, "Yeah, c'mon!"

"No!"

"C'mon!" They cried simultaneously. Dorothy shook her head again.

"No. It's a _girl's_ night."

"So, if we make sweet, sweet, _sweet_ love to you—down by the fire, can we go?"

Dorothy smirked, glancing back and forth between the two of them.

"Both of you?" She questioned. They nodded.

"I'll think about it."

"Really?"

"Sure, as long as you don't mind coming to strip club," She replied nonchalantly.

"Sweet!" Gavin exclaimed. They exchanged high fives. A moment later, Duo's eyebrows drew together in thought, "Wait…"

"Guys, isn't it?" Gavin asked sullenly. Dorothy grinned, "Of course. I know Duo won't mind."

Duo threw his hands up, "Not fair! Have one little hetero man crush, and ya never hear the end of it!"

---

The girls' night scene was going to be part of this chapter, but it was going to get retardedly long. It's coming soon I promise.


	8. Girls Gone Wild

-1**Restless Knights **

"Heero, come on---you can't tell me that you don't want to see this," Duo coaxed. He was leaning against the book laden shelf in Heero's apartment. They had just gotten of work, still in Preventer uniform. Duo's jacket was slung over his shoulder. Heero's was hanging on the peg by the door, and he was browsing his bookshelf for a novel to entertain him for the evening. Duo rolled his eyes.

"You read to damn much," Duo muttered. Heero momentarily paused his browsing to cut Duo a cursory glare. He pulled a thick paper back novel from the shelf, Ender's Game. A book he had started a while ago, but Relena had interrupted him. He hadn't picked it up since. It was about time that he found out more about the little boy with a bleeding heart with a violent streak. Ender reminded Heero of himself. Poor kid.

"I like reading," Heero replied almost defensively. Duo gesticulated wildly.

"And you don't like the concept of seeing Relena Queen-of-the-Damn-World Dorlain too drunk to spell cat?"

Heero stifled a chuckle and conceded a little, "It might be interesting."

Duo grinned, "Now that's more like it. I hear that there is this uncharted stealth chopper at work…"

-------------------------------- Meanwhile, at the Peacecraft Palace

Pagan leaned against the driver door of the limo. He reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a small prescription bottle. He read the label: Take one for anxiety as needed. Pagan looked back at the gaggle of women giggling in the distance and winced. He poured three blue pills into his palm and swallowed them dry. If this girl's night out was anything like last time, he might need more than a couple Xanax. As the old man recounted the events of the last time, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around.

"Take the night off, I've been assigned to keep an eye on them." A voice sullenly reported. Pagan felt as if an immense weight had been lifted, but simultaneously felt horrendously bad for the young man.

"What did you do to deserve this?" Pagan inquired. Chang Wufei folded his arms and scowled intensely. In the years that had passed, Wufei did not remain unchanged. He had gained a few inches of height, but was still much shorter than the elderly man. His muscles were sleek and deadly beneath his Preventer uniform jacket. His black hair was still pulled into a severe knot, but the ponytail came to the middle of his back.

"Its not important," He replied. Pagan arched an eyebrow.

"Be careful , young man, you keep bottling up the little issues you'll turn that hair of yours gray fairly quickly," He warned. A brow escalated towards Wufei's hairline, and he allowed a throaty, monosyllabic sound. It nearly passed as a chuckle. Pagan laughed nervously as he glanced up at his own purely white hair.

"Relena's always been a handful," He added with an awkward chuckle. There was a high pitched, girlish squeal in the distance. Wufei closed his eyes and inwardly cringed.

"I can imagine," He muttered. Pagan offered a sympathetic smile for a moment before hurrying back towards the châteaux. Wufei heard something that sounded like 'Good Luck!' as the door slammed. He sighed and leaned against car. He glared at the girls from a distance, memorizing their appearance---he might be forced to find them later. Even with her image slightly toned down, Dorothy was the most recognizable. Wufei chalked it up to the ferocity of her eyebrows. Though the tight black jeans and even tighter blue corset top made her look twice as sinister--or cyanotic, Wufei was not entirely sure. Not to mention that the spikes in her heels could be made of Gundanium. Wufei could almost see why Maxwell thought her…nether regions…had teeth in them. Wufei tilted his head with a smirk. Perhaps he would not be too horrible to find out for himself. Relena's royal face was hidden behind a mane of curled hair and make up. The hair tumbled to her bare shoulders and down her back. Wufei was glad she had opted for less conspicuous clothing than Dorothy. If anyone was going to kidnap the Vice Foreign Minister that night, they'd be motivated more by her infinitely long legs and infinitesimally short skirt than politics. There was another girl with straightened brown hair, and barely contained curves. Wufei was trying not to study the girl was looked as if she'd been poured into the tubetop and short shorts. It was when he ignored the way her sandals wrapped around her shapely legs that he realized that it was Catherine. Trowa Barton's sister. Wufei blanched. He could almost feel Trowa's wrath. Wufei shifted his attention to the next woman. She wore form fitting jeans and sensible shoes, but her entire midriff was exposed. And a belly-button ring glinted in the distance. Sally tossed her loose blonde hair with a smirk. Sally? Navel ring? Half-naked? That's Odd. He was more surprised to see her out of her braids than anything else. Noin wore jeans with cowboy boots and gold tank. She had a flask on her hip and something else in her hands. She neared him as the other girls were still chatting and giggling.

"Sally brought you these," She said tossing him a bundle of clothing. Wufei furrowed his brow.

"Why?"

"You'll stick out like a sore thumb in your uniform," She explained. Wufei's scowl deepened, "You mean I have to go _inside_?"

Noin nodded wordlessly and took a swig from her hipflask. She nodded her head towards Sally.

"What did you do? Comments about women again?"

Wufei held out the shirt with a disdainful glare, "Something like that."

He noticed the shorts. They were shorter than his tastes allowed for, and made of a stretchy synthetic material. He grimaced and rolled the shorts back up. As atrocious as the outfit was, he'd worn worse. He went into the house to change.

The girls giggled as he passed. "Hi Fei!" They chorused. He rolled his eyes and entered the house.

"Alright girls, what's the game plan?" Sally asked. Dorothy looked up from adjusting her corset.

"Well, we've got a reservation at The Cheesecake Factory. Then I've got a special surprise for my ladies!" Dorothy grinned. Relena cut her a suspicious look, but couldn't supress the smile. Catherine squealed with excitement.

"A surprise? "

Sally and Noin were a little less enthused. "Surprise?"

Dorothy's grin became Cheshire-esque, "Don't you trust me?"

"Dear…God…" Sally stated. Dorothy's face fell. Did they really not trust her? However, the blonde noted that Sally was not referring to her. She followed the older woman's gaze. She turned around. A single eyebrow shot up. The material of Wufei's shirt clung to his muscles for dear life. It was sleeveless, exposing his cut biceps. The shorts he wore were a little longer than knee length, but he still felt exposed. The material seemed to draw attention to his…cash and prizes. Needless to say, the girls didn't mind. Wufei just huffed, muttering something about women as he passed the flock. The girls were still in stunned silence. That is until an already tipsy Noin shouted, "Whoo! Look at dat ass!"

The girls erupted in laughter. Wufei sighed.

It was going to be a long night.

--------

"We are not taking this chopper," Heero resolved, "It's against protocol."

"Since when has Heero Yuy cared about protocol?" Duo questioned. A single brow disappeared into Heero's brow. "Always?"

"Like that time you 'assigned' recruits to pick up your dry cleaning?"

"That was once," Heero replied. How did Duo find out about that? He would have to be more careful who he gave such assignments too. Duo gave him a sly smile

"Then there was that time you used the company card to buy doughnuts…"

Heero arched an eyebrow, "I was hungry."

"And that time when you did the same but bought the complete boxed set of every Harry Potter book ever written…"

"They are very good novels," He said defensively.

"And I suppose that you just enjoy listening to the soothing sounds of Princess Britney Hilary Lollipop Star?"

Heero narrowed his eyes into slits, snatches the keys to the helicopter and storms out the door. Duo grins, mimicking the shooting of a basketball.

"He shoots, he scores!"

Finding the armored limo was decidedly easy, considering it was under Preventer guard…and they were both Preventers. Duo trailed it at a high altitude, keeping off of the limos radar. Even with Wufei on guard, Duo could follow unnoticed. It was his specialty. Heero sat as co-pilot with his arms crossed and head bowed. He looked asleep, but Duo knew that the perfect soldier was mentally analyzing how he got himself into his current situation. Duo grinned to himself. He switched an audio feed from the limo for more entertainment. It had been bugged and scrambled to all but Preventer wavelengths: Ideal for eavesdropping.

"You mean like fooling around in a car while he's driving?" Relena questioned. Heero's eyes snapped open.

"No, that's road head!" Two voices said in unison. It sounded like Dorothy and Catherine. There was a brief pause. Most likely for the two to look at each other. Less than a moment later the whole car was full of boisterous laughter.

"Have you ever heard of dead head?" Sally's voice questioned after the laughter died down a bit. No one spoke up Duo assumed they were shaking their heads no.

"It's when the girl is driving, and she leans over to give head. The guy in turn steers the car."

"Oh! I didn't know there was a name for that!" Noin exclaimed. There were squeals of surprise, laughter and an indiscernible voice shouting: You Whore!

"I'm not a whore! I only did it once!" She exclaimed.

"With who? Zechs?" Dorothy questioned.

"Sexy Zechsy!" Catherine sang dreamily, "I'd do him everyday of the week."

"Twice on Sunday," Dorothy added.

"I'd do him on his desk at work," Sally stated.

"Or on the roof of his car," Catherine swooned, "I could just eat him up….Or perhaps let him eat me up."

There was a series of lewd giggles, and awkward coughing from Relena.

"Have you seen how tall he is? I bet he's packing one heck of a beam saber," Sally said with a smile in her voice. Relena was making retching noises. Dorothy inhaled sharply, "By beam saber she means PENIS!!"

Relena clapped her hands over her ears, "La la la la! Dancing leperchauns and lollipops, la la la!" She continued singing random phrases and syllables as Dorothy just kept yelling "Penis!" repeatedly. Catherine jumped in, "Big fat brother cock!"

"Didn't you want to have sex with him too?" Heero asked sneaking a sly look at Duo who was laughing hysterically at the women's antics. Duo's laughter subsided and he countered, "Oh you know you'd do him too."

"Nah. I'm not much for….sword fighting…" Heero replied. Duo's eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

"What do you mean by…?" He began to ask, but the expression on his face proved him to be sorting through his library of odd euphemisms.

"Sword would be another word for….oh. _OHHHH! _Ew."

"You know, that Heero isn't bad looking either," Noin stated It sounded like a desperate ploy to stop the obsessing over Zechs.

"Yeah, I'd do him," Catherine stated simply.

"You say that about anyone," Dorothy replied.

"Not you," Catherine said.

"Darling, you couldn't handle me." Did Duo hear hinted lesbian flirting? Hot! He wished suddenly that there was a video feed from the limousine. Heero was more perturbed that his physical attributes were still up for discussion with the other girls in the car.

"I could grate cheese on his abs then eat him," Sally said plainly. There was agreement, and a pause. Relena must have looked upset.

"Don't sweat it, darling, he's got an ass that looks like he's been slammed against a brick wall! You don't want that! What about that Duo? He's a little touched in the head…"She began

"Yeah, but he's still a hot, hot piece of ass," Catherine said, "You could bounce a quarter off of it."

"Yes--that is art right there," Noin agreed, "Besides--he probably has a bigger penis than Heero."

If Heero had been drinking anything, he would have spit it out all over the controls of the helicopter.

-------

This is ridiculosity. I'm having fun with it. I'm endlessly sorry for the wait. It's been a busy summer, and I just recently got inspired. I hope I didn't loose my reader

Syl


	9. Partly Cloudy with chance of Debauchery

**Restless Knights: **Partly Cloudy with a 98 chance of Debauchery

Heero did not fully understand why he was going along with Duo's ludicrous plan. He didn't completely comprehend why he was ridiculously dressed and attempting to blend into a crowd at a "male review." It wasn't until he saw the Adonis-like, blond man in his charming, yet daring banana hammock that he understood the connotations of the words "male review." Frankly, he didn't know what the hell was going on. He didn't even know where to lay his eyes to prevent any further emotional scarring.

"Why exactly are we here?" He demanded his normally braided accomplice. Duo sat across from him, in the most ridiculous outfit he had ever seen. His jeans were life-threateningly tight and his pink vest, contrasted with his skin tight black shirt. His unbraided hair fell about him in an endless ocean of chestnut waves. Heero thought he noticed glitter glinting in its masses in the dim lighting of the club. A smattering of fake body piercings also glinted: half a dozen ear piercings, a nose ring, two lip rings and an eyebrow ring. Duo hid his face inconspicuously with the drink menu. Heero's disguise was not nearly as elaborate, but was still much flashier than anything he'd ever worn. This is really saying something, considering he spent a large portion of his life in spandex. He wore _tight _leather pants, and an open black shirt that revealed his taught midsection. Heero found the lingering glances at his chest and the conspicuous bulge in his skintight pants uncomfortable. Duo noticed a particularly aggressive woman, who was far too drunk to see the errors in her lewd behavior.

"Honey, you were cut from the marble of gods. Let's get out of here, this place is kind of lame. On second thought, I could just do you right here!" She shamelessly attempted to grope at Heero's cash and prizes. The ex-Gundam pilot (and twice savior of the world) yelped fearfully, unsure of what to do. Duo scowled. The expression on his face could curdle milk.

"Look, bitch, you best keep your grubby little claws off my man—or I will shove my foot so far down your throat we'll be walking home together."

The woman stumbled away in shame, and a shaken Heero muttered his thanks. He was too perturbed by the situation to even care that that woman and most of the people around him now thought he was in a gay relationship. Duo just winked, before returning his attention to the booth of intoxicated females that he wished to spy on. Relena was red faced and giggling as a dark skinned, gorgeous man gave her a lap dance. The dancer was vaguely familiar, as if Heero had seen him somewhere before.

"Who is that? Heero asked.

"Not sure. He's a stripper, he calls himself Messiah," Duo stated. Heero chuckled, "I guess, with this Messiah--he awaits _your _second coming."

Duo laughed, "Yuy's got jokes? Now I've seen everything!"

Heero just rolled his eyes, but noted Dorothy slipping away from the group. Honestly, he was admiring how the denim of her jeans hugged the curves of her hips and other assets. It wasn't until after he'd imagined those same jeans on the floor of his apartment that he realized that she was slipping away from the group.

The next thing he knew, there was a spotlight on Relena. Suddenly, he was glad he went along with Duo's silly plan. She was sitting on the shoulders of Messiah, who bore her weight with ease. Other dancers circled around her, one of which handed her a microphone. Archaic disco style music began to play. Relena's bloodshot eyes managed to light up.

"Hi !" She called to the audience

"Hi!" Her lady cohorts called from their booth. "We're your Weather Girls!" She slurred.

"Uh huh!" The girls chorused. Messiah could only laugh, anticipating what was coming.

"And have we got news for you!" Relena announced, with sass-infused seriousness. "You better listen!" Noin called

"Get ready, all you lonely girls--and leave those umbrellas at home!"

"Alright!" Sally called.

The music picked up and Relena began to sing. Her voice wasn't bad, in fact it was surprisingly good. What was laughable was the passion of the performance. Her face was beet red, her hair and limbs flailing wildly. Messiah and the other dancers did there best to make sure she didn't fall from the stage to her death.

"God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too

She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do

She taught every angel to rearrange the sky

So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!"

Duo was in fits of laughter, he could barely keep his camera phone on the inebriated world leader.

"I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna get myself absolutely soaking wet!" She whipped her hair around seductively. Well, she attempted to be seductive--the deterioration of her coordination caused seductive movements to look more like mild seizures. Even Heero couldn't suppress his laughter. That was when he felt his cell vibrate in his pocket. With significant difficulty, Heero managed to fish his phones out of his pocket and discover a text message : _Take a picture, Yuy, it will last longer. )_

Heero looked up in time to see Dorothy winking as she slipped back to her spot in the booth. The walk back was decidedly more sensual and much slower—or maybe she was walking in slow motion in his mind. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the ridiculous nature of his clothes or the documentation of Relena Peacecraft singing drunkenly on a stage of half naked dancers--Heero decided to send a message back: _I don't have a camera, but there is much more I'd like to see ;-)_

"Did I really just do that?" Heero mused allowed. Duo had put his camera away, and was looking intently at his friend. He glanced down at the open cell phone, catching a glimpse of the chat history. Duo's eyes widened.

"You dog! I didn't know you had it in you!"

"Me either," He replied. He glanced down as his phone vibrated again. Duo's eyes widened at the message: _I have one in my back pocket, come get it._

"She totally wants you," Duo stated matter of fact, "But we're screwed because she knows at least one of us are here."

"What could they possibly do?" Heero asked.

"I don't' know—they can be some scary bitches." Duo replied. Heero nodded, conceding the point. He couldn't decide what was scarier though, the gaggle of women, their outfits, or the fact that they all seemed to agree that Duo was more well endowed than he was. He was also a bit miffed about how there was a general--completely unfounded-- consensus on the flatness of his posterior. He was almost too insecure to wear the skin tight pants that would highlight his alleged lack of assets.

"We saw what you wanted to see, Duo, maybe we should leave before the others realize we're here."

"By others, you mean, Relena. And though I've seen what I wanted to see, an awkward interaction between you and drunk Relena would be kind of interesting too," Duo said smiling wryly. Heero glared, "You're an asshole." But then he smirked, "Well, I have to leave. I'm gonna need to change if D is going to get into my pants later—these pants are pretty tight."

Duo chuckled, "You think you're so funny."

Heero just smiled, silently noting that Wufei was no where to be seen.

Wufei grunted softly as pearly white teeth nibbled gently on his earlobe. Soft, deft hands roamed his muscular shoulders and neck—sending shivers down his spine. He clenched his teeth, in hopes to slow the blood flow to his loins. His shorts already left little to the imagination.

"Woman, stop that," He muttered. Before he realized, two lithe, tone legs were wrapped around his waist. Hands still roamed, teasing his muscles.

"You could stop me if you wanted to, Wufei," A silky voice whispered, soft lips still against his ears. Legs tightened around him. He really could escape if wanted to, but why would he?

"Woman—"

"Ah, ah, ah…you know my name."

"Catherine, please, I should be watching the rest of the group. No one is attending to their s…" He hissed, trailing off into a wordless moan as Catherine found a the crook of his neck with her mouth. It was definitely his weak spot.

"They can take care of themselves, just for a little bit. Besides, Heero and Duo are both here, incognito," She whispered between strategically placed kisses. At that point he was too delirious with lust to digest the contents of her words. He carried her, up to the VIP room—with no questions from security.

Relena was face down on the booth table, sound asleep. Not too far from her, Sally was sitting on Messiah's lap with a half empty drink in her hand, giggling. Noin was deliriously drunk, sitting beside the sleeping Vice Foreign Minister. A loud, raunchy bout of flatulence slipped from the sleeping Relena. Noin laughed so hysterically, it was borderline maniacal. Her face was red, tears streaming down her face. At first, Dorothy thought the woman was crying, "Luc, what's the matter?"

"Relena," She gasped between laughs, "farted."

Dorothy snickered and rolled her eyes, "I hope she didn't shit herself." At that, Noin laughed even harder. Dorothy nursed her drink, leveling her smoky eyes with Heero across the bar. She arched an eyebrow invitingly, and he just smirked confidently. Too confidently. But she could fix that. She mouthed the words, "Nice pants."

A faint pink color tinted his cheeks, and he looked down at the table. Dorothy chuckled to herself. She made Heero Yuy blush—from across the room.

Good lord, its been over a year since I updated. I'm SO SORRY TT, but hopefully, you enjoyed this chapter. Only God could be sure what will happen next.

Leave some feedback,

Syl


	10. Dirty Dancing

**Restless Knights**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"I want to dance."

It wasn't just an arbitrary declaration, or even an invitation. It was an understood demand, yet Heero –for the first time in his life—did not immediately leap to complete a mission objective. Dorothy arched a forked eyebrow at his hesitation, but he just smirked. He enjoyed toying with her. Their interactions were like a war game trivialized into sexual politics. Relationships were an unfamiliar territory for Heero, but war games he understood. Perhaps that was what drew him to Dorothy. She was not throwing herself at him. She did not seem to view him as something he was not. Dorothy just presented herself. The witty, mischievously sensual creature that she was, and dared him to… Heero wasn't even sure what she was daring him to do, but he felt the need to rise to the occasion.

Dorothy disregarded Heero's hesitation and grabbed his hand. She led him to crowded dance floor, and he just watched the sway of her hips as she walked. He was constantly amazed at the powerful statement she made with just her walk. A lesser man might've been intimidated, he was simply intrigued. A vaguely familiar dance beat pulsed from the speakers. It was an old artist, he couldn't remember her name. But for some reason he found it fitting that Dorothy knew every word of the song. Heero smirked as his hands found her waist, twirling her towards him to the music. Dorothy sung the song to him, her sensual lips savoring each syllable.

"_I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas Plays_

_Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me  
Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start  
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart," _She sang. At the word "hooked" she grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer. Their faces were so close; he could feel her body heat. Her full, soft lips were less than an inch from his. They tugged into a small, smug smile. It was as if she tasted something sweet on her lips, that she had no intention of sharing. He continued to dance, but fought the impulse to try and taste that sweetness. She continued to tease him with her suggestive movements as the song went on; she drew nearer and threw one long leg around his solid waist. The movement surprised him, but Heero didn't miss a beat. She brought her lips close to him, brushing his ear. The contact sent a tingle down his spine.

"_I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be  
A little gambling is fun when you're with me  
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun_

And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun."

The last line was part of the song, but she didn't sing it. She spoke it in rhythm. She spoke in a sexually charged whisper as she gyrated against him. Heero felt sweat form on his brow, and knew it wasn't from exertion. The song ended, and Dorothy released her grip on him. She winked and strode purposefully away. Heero just stood dumbly in the center of the floor, watching her go.

"Delete any pictures you took," Heero ordered as he sat down next to an entirely too amused Duo Maxwell. He was scrolling through the pictures with a contended smirk on his cherub lips.

"Actually, there's nothin' embarrassing. No matter how hard I tried, each shot somehow came out like classy magazine shots."

Heero arched an eyebrow in disbelief as he recalled his dance with Dorothy, "Classy?"

"Well it not like Time magazine, but definitely not Juggs either."

"Juggs?"

"Yes, Juggs. All those books in your apartment and you are unfamiliar with the classics."

"Classics?"

"You're so inquisitive today. Haven't you ever read any porn?"

"I didn't realize one was supposed to _read_ porn," Heero responded with a smirk.  
Duo rolled his eyes, "Some of the magazines actually have very interesting articles. It's not all about the pictures, ya know."

Heero continued to smirk. "Actually I don't. I don't look at the pictures either," He said smoothly.

"Oh, really?" Duo inquired.

"I prefer video."

---

Wufei was glad he listened to Catherine. He was in an amazing mood after their escapade in the VIP room. He didn't even care that Trowa might be tap dancing on his face sometime in the near future. Despite Wufei's magnificent mood, the limo ride back to Relena's chateaux was proving to be a bigger headache than before. It was only a matter of time before he'd seriously consider driving that limo off of the nearest cliff.

"Wufeiiiiiiiiii" Noin called, tapping on the divider glass. Begrudgingly, Wufei rolled down the glass. The powerful aroma of alcohol immediately assaulted his nostrils. He wrinkled his nose.

"Yes?"

"We're hungry," She announced, as if she had been named spokesperson of the group. Wufei glanced in the review mirror and saw a limo-full of drunk, disheveled women. The floor was littered with abandoned high heels and empty bottles from the minibar. It was nearly three in the morning. What respectable food establishment was open at this hour? Where could he possibly take these women with minimum risk?

"Well, it's late. Nothings open," Wufei stated, hoping to assuage their wants until their reached Relena's estate, and it was no longer his problem.

"McDonalds!" A slurring voice suggested excitedly. The rest of the girls voiced their approval and excitement. It was nearly three, only the drive through would be open. Did they really expect him to drive a limousine through the drive through? Of course they did. He was going to rectify that.

"I'm not taking a limousine through a freaking drive through, are you out of your minds?!"

Wufei clearly forgot that they were all out of their minds. A dangerously sharp, high-heeled shoe sailed through the partition, narrowly missing the back of Wufei's head. The heel embedded in the leather head rest.

"I never miss a target, Wufei." Catherine said. Her voice was cheery and sing-song. It was more disconcerting than if she were to speak threateningly. Wufei opened his mouth to respond viciously when suddenly, one of the inebriated women burst in to very audible sobs.

"Why do we keep with this senseless fighting?"

It was Relena. Noin crawled clumsily over Catherine and Sally to comfort the sobbing girl. She sounded like the incarnation of a tea kettle. Dorothy was suppressing laughter.

"I don't know why we have to fight. I just wanted to have some god damned fucking chicken nuggets!That's all! Is that too much to ask?"

"Yeah, Wufei, just some god damned fucking chicken nuggets," Dorothy repeated, unable to disguise her mirth.

The next thing he knew, Wufei was standing in the driving through lane shouting into the speaker.

"Can I get five 20 piece McNugget Meals?"

The crackling voice in the speaker asked flatly, "Sir, are you _walking_ through the drive-thru lane?"

Wufei glowered at the box. "Yes," He spoke through clenched teeth, "I'm driving a limousine, and it is easier to--"

The indifferent, eternally unhelpful employee interrupted him rudely, "Sir, I am unable to serve customers unless they are inside a vehicle. It is company policy, Sir."

Wufei found himself maneuvering the stretch limo through the drive thru with some difficulty. When he rolled up to the speaker again, he had to lean out of the window to be heard.

"I would like five large 20 piece nugget meals."

"What kind of drinks with those meals?"

"Sweet tea, Sprite, Lemonade, and an Orange Soda" Wufei rattled off from memory.

"That'll be 47.45, second window please."

There was a rowdy cheer from the hungry ladies as they finally retrieved their food. Relena was still sobbing quietly as she nibbled her nuggets.

"You okay Relena?" Catherine asked with a wry smile on her face. The blonde woman nodded and sniffled, "They're just so good." She spoke with a full mouth. Wufei finally closed the partition, and shut their idle chatter out of his mind. He now focused on how he was going to get a stretch limo around a 90 degree turn without scraping the car. Physically impossible.

"Fuck it. Relena can buy another limo."

- - - -

Yay! Another chapter! FINALLY! Sorry about the wait. I guess I was waiting for Lady Gaga to gain popularity. I hope I didn't lose to many readers. Tell me what you think. There might be a couple errors; I wanted to get this chapter up as quickly as possible.

Review!

~ Syl


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